Understanding Trauma Responses in Black Women in Relationships
For many Black women, relationships—whether romantic, familial, or platonic—can be shaped by past trauma, systemic oppression, and cultural expectations. Trauma responses often develop as survival strategies, but they can also impact how we navigate love, trust, and vulnerability. Understanding these responses is the first step toward healing and cultivating healthier connections.
4 Common Trauma Responses in Black Women
1. Fight: This response can manifest as defensiveness, hyper-independence, or a need for control in relationships. A woman with a fight response may struggle with trust and feel the need to protect herself at all costs.
2. Flight: Some women avoid conflict by emotionally or physically distancing themselves. They might throw themselves into work, overachieve, or avoid intimacy altogether to escape feelings of vulnerability.
3. Freeze: This can look like shutting down, struggling to communicate needs, or feeling stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns. Many women with a freeze response experience decision paralysis, fearing that any choice will lead to harm.
4. Fawn: Often seen in people-pleasing behaviors, the fawn response involves prioritizing others’ needs over one’s own to avoid rejection or conflict. This is common among Black women raised to be "strong" and self-sacrificing, often at the expense of their well-being.
Healing Through Awareness and Action
Recognizing your trauma response is the first step toward change. Therapy, self-reflection, and community support can help Black women unlearn survival patterns and develop healthier relationship dynamics.
Healing is a journey, but Black women deserve relationships rooted in safety, love, and authenticity. By understanding our trauma responses, we can break cycles and build connections that truly nourish us.
Book Recommendations for Healing and Growth
"The Body Is Not an Apology" by Sonya Renee Taylor – Explores radical self-love and healing from internalized oppression.
"Set Boundaries, Find Peace" by Nedra Glover Tawwab – A must-read for learning to set healthy boundaries.
"Sisters of the Yam" by bell hooks – Discusses self-recovery and wellness for Black women.
"What Happened to You?" by Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey – A deep dive into how trauma shapes our lives and relationships.